But when you do succeed at something, do you celebrate it in any way? Probably not that much. You don’t tell yourself, “I’m proud of you, you did it, you even did more,” “look at what’s around you, it wasn’t there before, but it’s now thanks to you.” Why don’t you do that? Because once you achieved that goal, it became just another item to check off the list, you already have new ones you’re focusing on.

Appreciate those smaller successes, that little progress, those seemingly unspectacular steps, when added together, ultimately allowed you to achieve greatness for yourself. Think about your purpose. Think about the stages you had to go through to get there. Notice what you did, (specifically, not in general terms), what you learned, how much effort you had to put in, what you had to go through and sacrifice to make it happen, how your life has changed because of it.

We are so caught up in our daily lives, problems, and responsibilities that we don’t see how many of our old dreams have already come true. You wanted to move out. The apartment is small, not like the ones on your pinterest vision boards. Now you’ll focus on buying everything you need to get by, on settling into your new place, on renovating it. But have you stopped to appreciate that you’ve actually got there? You wanted to start your own business. You’re facing a lot of responsibility, costs, new projects, and keeping everything in check. But you’ve taken the steps that will make this possible. Maybe you wanted to work in fashion and landed your first internship, you certainly want to climb higher, but you can already be proud of yourself. Don’t forget, this wasn’t guaranteed. You once dreamed of it. You took that chance.

That you can live surrounded by nature, just as you wanted. That you can do your job from home. That you’re studying your favorite course. That your art is appreciated. That what was once your plan, your wish, is now your daily routine.

Even if things aren’t perfect, you’re on the right track. That’s worth celebrating, because achieving goals is always a process, often a challenging one with many stages. With every step, you’re getting closer and that’s something to value.

Be grateful that you have the opportunities, skills, and life circumstances that allow you to do this, as well as the ambition and strength to turn your visions into real results. People haven’t always had the same possibilities as we do now, where we can truly choose who we want to be, what we want to do, and where we want to live. Now we have greater freedom to decide for ourselves, I think it’s amazing how much has changed for us and how many doors are opening our way.

What may have seemed distant and unattainable to us as children or teenagers is now perhaps our daily experience, or we can do everything to make it so. Looking also at what happened in the lives of our ancestors, but also at what is happening in the world TODAY, let’s reflect on how privileged our position is.

This doesn’t mean we can’t want more, rest on our merits and have no expectations. It’s human nature to have a conquering spirit. But at the same time, look around you, return in your thoughts to what you asked for in your prayers before bed not so long ago, what you wished for when you saw a shooting star, what you wanted to happen in the future, and see what of that is already present in your life and what you fail to notice.

Instead of setting specific conditions we have to meet to finally feel proud of ourselves, why not feel that satisfaction at every step? Take yourself on a solo date when you succeed in something you’ve been striving for. Stand in front of the mirror and praise yourself right to your face. Look at what you’ve fought for, things you might miss in the rush of everyday things. This is yours. This is your work, and no one can take it away from you.

You’re the only one who has truly experienced the journey you’ve had to take, so you’re also the only one who can truly appreciate the value of it. Don’t wait for others’ approval, give it to yourself right now.

A post preparing you for May will be published soon. In the meantime, I invite you to read three posts that will surely motivate you to achieve your goals.

Thank you so much for subscribing and reading. Find me on tiktok, instagram, pinterest and tumblr.

I get offers every day, but I don’t accept everything. You can take a look there as well in my instagram highlights.

So far, I’ve collaborated with brands like Daily Sleeper (you’ve probably seen those feathered pajamas from the movie “Barbie”? That brand was behind them, I have the same ones, but in black!), Abel Fragrance (perfumes), Banish (skincare), and Sonsie Skin (Pamela Anderson’s skincare brand).

I posted another post today, feel welcome to check it out.

I have another collaboration coming up, but unfortunately I can’t reveal anything more until May, but it’s going to be exciting!

Why shouldn’t you build your entire profile around collaborations?

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The major I chose wasn’t random, literature and language have always been my calling. I wanted something where I could write and get better at it (which is exactly what I’m doing here). I moved to a completely different city. I was there alone, everything was new, and I had to manage on my own. Throughout my studies, I had very good grades, and ultimately I’m proud that I graduated and earned my master’s degree, though I know it cost me a great deal of effort and stress. It was a big deal, obviously, but you know, looking back at myself from years ago (I started out as a teenager, after all), I was at a completely different stage in life, much less self-aware than I am now, and it was more demanding for me back then than it is now.

I know, however, that if I had a choice, I would have postponed that decision for at least two years. I think the most important thing is that awareness, which I obviously lacked and which ultimately prevented me from getting as much out of those studies as I could have. My plan for myself was very general, I wanted a job related to literature. Maybe in publishing house. Such a dream. I wasn’t entirely sure how to make the most of my time at university to help me reach the specific place I wanted to be. I didn’t have a plan of action. I didn’t know exactly what would be useful to me, where to look for opportunities, or how to make the most of it. As a teenager, I was still lost and I wasn’t the only one. Just like everyone around me, I was thrown into a completely new environment with different rules.

I’d like to direct this post more toward people who want to study because they have specific plans related to the field. If the major seems fascinating to you and you want to do it for yourself, for additional education, then go for it whenever you want. If you’re not sure whether to go to college at all, or what to study, you should read this too.

If I can give you some advice,

• take advantage of conferences, extracurricular activities, internships, societies, opportunities to give presentations, to develop alongside people more experienced than you, and every chance you get, even if you’re afraid you’re not good enough or don’t have great skills, this is a perfect chance to gain them, to START doing something practical

• ask! ask questions, trust me, professors love open-minded and curious people who genuinely want to learn, don’t be afraid of looking foolish, you’re there to learn, they have the knowledge, and you’re just starting to acquire it. Ask about the industry, ask about available offers, they often have a lot more insight and can help you get started in your field

• learn things “beyond the curriculum”, often in college, the curriculum is either outdated or very theoretical. It’s worth doing extra research, staying up to date, reading about the topics, making your own notes, taking online courses, and creating your own projects, it’s worth doing something beyond just your classes

• don’t just do projects to pass, try to create something you can later use or showcase as proof of your skills or progress, this could include various types of data analyses, essays, reviews, websites, graphic design projects, anything that builds your portfolio (even if your skills aren’t top-notch at first, just give it a try), go above and beyond the minimum, because beyond the diploma, it’s worth having skills

• don’t treat college as a time when all you have to do is “exist”, college can be very comfortable (if, for example, you don’t have to work), so appreciate all the more the time you have to make the most of it, because being there isn’t a burden, it’s an OPPORTUNITY, it’s not a guarantee of your success

Here’s what I think you’ll gain from taking a year or two gap years

I know you might want a break after so many years of constant schooling, tests, and grades. You can definitely give yourself a moment to breathe, which will help you come back stronger and reduce the risk of burnout, but I still think it’s worth doing something more for yourself. You might tell me that you don’t know who you are, you don’t know exactly what you want to do, or what you’re good at, and you have every right to feel that way. That’s why you’re taking a gap year: to figure it out. But HOW do you want to go about it? WHAT will help you with that? In WHAT areas do you want to test yourself? Remember that the goal of “wanting to discover yourself” is also an idea.

This time will allow you to take a step back from your idea and the opinions of others, so you don’t make a hasty decision. After high school, we’re new to this, a little lost, a little dreamy. It’s easy for us to succumb to the influence of people who push us in a certain direction and say, “this will be profitable,” “this is the future,” without asking, “what do YOU want?”. Yes, some fields offer easier prospects, but what’s important is to be GOOD at something.

You can do this to gain skills that will make everything easier for you later on. You know, in college (especially if you’re also working or have other responsibilities), it can be harder to dedicate yourself so fully to building up some side/additional skills that are actually important. But here, you can focus on courses, projects, and self-study, just remember that you have to be consistent.

You can do this to earn and save money, which is why so many people choose to do it. College is a financially stressful time, though, so it’s worth saving up for at least the first few months to feel at ease, especially if you have to move far away (like I did) and everything will be new. You’ll feel a little overwhelmed by the change, but at least financially, you’ll feel secure.

And you can do it to take advantage of opportunities you might not have later, or to explore a completely different path. I’ll tell you about what my friends chose:

• one person lived and worked in the country where she’d always wanted to live, it wasn’t her dream job, but during that year she got to know a new culture, fulfilled a wish, and saved up some money (interestingly, after college she moved there permanently, just in a different profession!)

• the second person went abroad as an au pair (a person working for, and living as part of, a host family), which allowed her to travel, improve her language skills, make new connections, and become more open, she says it was an unforgettable adventure (you can only be an au pair within a certain age range, so this might have been her only chance to experience it).

• thanks to this, the third person developed her graphic design skills, created projects for brands and private clients, and built her portfolio, she studied just for fun, because graphic design ended up becoming her career, even though she had initially planned otherwise.

Is it always a good idea to take a gap year?

No. And we don’t always need one.

If you know exactly why you’re pursuing this degree, you don’t even have to wait to get started. If you know you lack the self-discipline to start something on your own, it’s also not a good idea, because you’ll get stuck. Here, too, you need curiosity about the world, perseverance in getting to know yourself, exploring and testing different options, and the discipline to come back afterward. Otherwise, you will feel that you have a “year of freedom” and you will keep putting everything off, because you don’t have anyone above you telling you what to do next, nor any set deadlines, assignments, or tests to assess your knowledge. You will be responsible for managing this time wisely.

If you actually have a plan for this (even if that means actively exploring your options to find your place and purpose, so you can take the next step), you won’t be wasting that time, there’s no need to worry about it. Your life is just beginning, just like your career. Starting a year later doesn’t take anything away from you. on the contrary, it can make you richer. We’re afraid that compared to others, we’re “falling behind” but each of you will go your own way anyway, and in the meantime, you can do a lot for yourself if you need that break.

Don’t forget that more than whether you choose to study now, study later, or not study at all, what matters is whether you know WHY you’re doing this.

Because college isn’t a guarantee of success, but it’s also not a loss of time if you can make the most of it (besides, it’s education, and education is always valuable). The point is to feel that you are making progress. It doesn’t have to be huge, but it has to be noticeable, that means you know that what you’re doing is leading you toward something meaningful. Sometimes a different moment in life is the better time to start. Some people start college in their 40s or 50s because that’s when they’re ready for a change of direction, discover their calling, and know what they want to do with it and how to make the most of it.

Looking back, I realize I’ve made three mistakes

1. I fell into the trap of thinking that I had to start college at the same time as my peers, because otherwise I’d fall behind while they moved forward

2. I fell into the trap of thinking that a college degree would prove my worth and show whether I was smart enough

3. I fell into the trap of thinking that this was my only path, and if I didn’t follow it, my whole world would fall apart

Still, I think it taught me responsibility, discipline, how to cope with new situations, and how to get myself out of trouble.

I believe I chose the right path, it just wasn’t the best time.

I hope I’ve explained all this clearly and that it might be helpful to you, because this is a really important thing for me. Thank you so much for subscribing and reading! Of course, share your experiences and advice, whether you’ve already studied, are about to, or don’t want to study at all. Write from your perspective.

Read more essays from me

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We’re too nonchalant. We pretend we don’t care, or that we don’t care that much. We’d rather back off so we don’t come out looking desperate than take the initiative, ask, or come up with a suggestion. We feel that if we take the first step, if we keep pushing, we’ll make fools of ourselves. We feel ashamed because we actually care about the thing. And that’s exactly the point, no one else cares about your goal, only you. No one cares if you will succeed. ONLY YOU.

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Sometimes we even choose our own “new families”, our circles of friends change, we grow up with some people, and we connect with others in our 20s or 40s, we’re no longer limited to our own little backyard.

On the one hand, this is liberating because we certainly have much greater freedom in seeking out “our people”, we have more freedom in choosing who we want to spend time with, we can change where we live, we use free will much more.

People are more individualized and independent of one another, but we feel a deep sense of loneliness because relationships are more fluid, and while they’re easy to change, they’re also easy to lose. These days, if you don't exist on social media, you don't exist at all. This is where you'll find out if you're interesting and cool enough. Our survival now depends not on a small group, but on everyone; the internet can either accept us or reject us. Because of this, we feel that our mistakes, faults, and quirks are noticed, remembered, and commented on by everyone. We have this feeling of excessive visibility.

So, as a result, I put myself on a pedestal, and you put yourself on one. At the same time I’ll think I’m at the center of your world, and you’ll think you’re at the center of mine. Even though I’m actually your backdrop, and you’re the backdrop for me. Do you understand?

After meetings and conversations with others, we often analyze what we said, break down our behavior into components, worry about the impression we made, and reflect on our choice of words and facial expressions.

And we come to the clear conclusion that we behaved awkwardly, strangely, and clumsily, and we feel ashamed. Because online, too, we increasingly see that certain things are considered strange.

The truth is, the things you thought were “weird” didn’t even get noticed by anyone else. We all worry about how others see us, which is why it feels like you “held the fork weirdly while eating” or “sounded silly when you said ‘hi’”because you’re analyzing your behavior step by step. You don’t do this to other people. Someone else would tell you, “I pronounced that word awkwardly,” and you wouldn’t even have spotted it.

Your brain replays situations and creates new scenarios for them, which causes you to exaggerate their significance and creates the illusion that it was “important to everyone,” even though it was mainly important to you. In our heads, we’ve already figured out what someone might have thought of us, how the situation might have unfolded, and how that person will react to us now, even though we don’t know any of that at all.

Everyone feels the same way. We all feel like we’re on stage and everyone is watching us closely. But the truth is, from another person’s perspective, you’re the one looking at them, and they’re the center of your world. Because people filter the world through themselves. Does that mean no one will judge you? Not really, because we judge automatically, though I don’t think we’re as nitpicky as we imagine. I believe that no reasonable person would break our behavior down into tiny pieces just to analyze them later.

When someone first meets you, they see you “as a whole.” It’s only as the relationship grows closer that we naturally start to focus on recurring details or distinctive traits. And so much is happening throughout this entire conversation, so many words are spoken, so many gestures are made, we learn some facts, we get to know someone new, and we don’t pay attention to the fact that the other person mispronounced a word in a strange way or made a mistake. We might register it for a moment, but it’s hard to remember because it doesn’t really matter.

Sometimes we don’t do anything wrong, but we still end up triggering a negative reaction from a stranger on the street or in a store. And that makes us analyze our entire personality afterward. We wonder which of our traits caused that reaction in someone else, we think we’re awkward, embarrassing, or stupid. We put more energy into it than we should, even though it has nothing to do with you.

As a result, your next few hours are ruined, while that person will forget you exist in two minutes. In rare cases, someone is truly focused on you and will keep it up longer (in which case you can take some action). Usually, it could be you or someone else. Someone might be having a bad day or just needs to unload his emotions. The truth is, you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Each of these people might have judged you differently depending on what happened in their life today. When something good comes their way, they might not pay attention to you or do something nice for you. When they’re frustrated, they need to transfer that onto someone else. Remember that opinions change with interactions, and you’re the one who decides which ones matter.

Due to the internet, we feel like we are under constant surveillance, that people are overanalyzing our every move, that we shouldn’t be our true selves because others might notice our quirks and use them against us, we start to feel ashamed of things just because we know that someone on social media might comment negatively on them. The internet creates an audience in your head that doesn’t really exist

In the end, we are all just one of many people on this planet. We all have jobs, school, responsibilities, hobbies, and dilemmas, If our lives are full enough to give us pause, there’s no room left to overanalyze every move others make. Think about it: would the same things you exaggerate about yourself trigger as many feelings in you if they concerned someone else? If not, then why should your life be the center of other people’s thoughts?

Thank you so much for reading and subscribing. Find me on tiktok, instagram, pinterest and tumblr.

I recommend you read this as well:

So instead of thinking of it as a linear path, it’s worth looking at it as a cycle of recurring phases.

Where are you now?

All phases appear for a reason, they have their own function, pace, and meaning. Why is this important at all? Identifying where we are in a particular stage helps us understand why we feel the way we do, what we can do next, what we’ve already experienced, and what may still be ahead of us. Besides, we better align our expectations with our capabilities, start working with ourselves, and find it easier to recognize and understand our needs. Sometimes we know we need to keep searching, and sometimes we need to let go and accept the situation as it is right now.

What you need to remember right now

• these stages don’t happen just once, just because you’ve already experienced something doesn’t mean that another such moment will never happen again, you can go through each stage in different areas of your life.

• don’t be guided by what everyone around you says, but by your own inner needs. Someone might think you’re on the right track, but if you don’t feel that way, it may just be a third-party perspective and not the truth.

• everyone goes through everything at their own pace.

• notice the situations that allowed or forced you to move from one stage to the next, whether they were long-planned decisions or, for example, sudden turns in your life.

• you can be in several stages at once, as humans, we are very complex beings. In one area, we may be searching, while in another, we may already be stable and confident.

  

1. Phase of exploration/renewal

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We dream, we become a complete unity with nature, there will be something about pagan beliefs, fairy tales, and personal stories as well.

Let these works guide you through quiet mornings, lingering afternoons, and nights full of reflection, the perfect companions for a season of introspection.

Mrs Dalloway, Virginia Woolf

A vivid portrait of a single day in a woman’s life. When we meet her, Mrs. Clarissa Dalloway is preoccupied with the last-minute details of party preparation while
in her mind she is something much more than a perfect society hostess.
As she readies her house, she is flooded with remembrances of faraway times. And, met with the realities of the present, Clarissa reexamines the choices that brought her there, hesitantly looking ahead to the unfamiliar work of growing old.

A room with a view, E. M. Forster

Lucy has her rigid, middle-class life mapped out for her, until she visits Florence with her uptight cousin Charlotte, and finds her neatly ordered existence thrown off balance. Her eyes are opened by the unconventional characters she meets at the Pension Bertolini: flamboyant romantic novelist Eleanor Lavish, the Cockney Signora, curious Mr Emerson and, most of all, his passionate son George.

Lucy finds herself torn between the intensity of life in Italy and the repressed morals of Edwardian England, personified in her terminally dull fiancé
Cecil Vyse. Will she ever learn to follow her own heart?

Picnic at hanging rock, Joan Lindsay

Everyone at Appleyard College for Young Ladies agreed it was just right for a picnic at Hanging Rock. After lunch, a group of three of the girls climbed into the blaze of the afternoon sun, pressing on through the scrub into the shadows of Hanging Rock. Further, higher, till at last they disappeared.

They never returned.

Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

In The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera tells the story of a young woman in love with a man torn between his love for her and his incorrigible womanizing and one of his mistresses and her humbly faithful lover.
This magnificent novel juxtaposes geographically distant places, brilliant
and playful reflections, and a variety of styles, to take its place as perhaps
the major achievement of one of the world’s truly great writers.

Patti Smith, Year of the Monkey

After a series of concerts at The Fillmore, Patti Smith sets out on a year of solitary wandering from the Santa Cruz coast. The year unfolds in a surreal, dreamlike way, full of signs, unexpected events, and moments of mischief and sorrow. Traveling across the U.S., she confronts loss, aging, and societal change. Blending reality with imagination, the memoir is a haunting yet hopeful reflection on life, transformation, and the search for meaning.

(I’m currently reading Patti Smith, and it’s a dreamlike story of the author’s solitary journey. You can also substitute this with other journals, letters,
or autobiographical stories from someone who inspires you. The point is
simply to get inside someone’s mind, to learn about someone’s memories).

Donkey Skin, 1970.

A fairy godmother helps a princess disguise and flee the kingdom
so she won’t have to marry the king who happens to be her father.

Morgiana, 1972.

Jealous of her vapidly “good” sister’s popularity, poisonous Viktoria doses
pretty Klara’s tea with a slow-acting fatal substance. As the latter grows hysterically weak, the former finds success increasingly compromised
by guilt, blackmail and the pesky need to kill others lest she be exposed.

The Wicker Man, 1973.

A puritan police sergeant arrives in a Scottish island village in search
of a missing girl, who the pagan locals claim never existed.

Phenomena, 1985.

A young girl who has an amazing ability to communicate with insects
is transferred to an exclusive Swiss boarding school, where her
unusual capability might help solve a string of murders.

Stoker, 2013.

After India’s father dies, her Uncle Charlie, who she never knew existed, comes
to live with her and her unstable mother. She comes to suspect this mysterious, charming man has ulterior motives and becomes increasingly infatuated with him.

If you have similar recommendations, let me know.

At the end of the month, there is always an essay in which I tell you what steps to take so that in 2026 we finally feel like we are taking the right steps to change our current life into the one we dream of and achieve all the goals we have in mind.

For now, the text for March and April has been published, I encourage you to read it if you need a dose of inspiration. I am working according to the plan I write about there and I am proud of what I have managed to do so far.

Thank you for supporting and reading! Find me on tiktok, instagram, pinterest and tumblr.

In March, we paused for a moment. We reflected on what we really want, where we are, and which direction we want to go. We made plans, set goals, and maybe even took the first steps, but from my conversations with you, it seems that most of you have focused on perfecting your vision. All your messages showed me that you don’t know what to do next. You have a good plan, but you’re afraid of the next step.

So, yeah, we all have some kind of vision of who we want to be, what our life should look like, what’s important to us this year, and what we want to do.

In April, we need to move beyond the phase of endless preparation. When the thought of changing our lives, starting or creating something crosses our minds, we spend an infinite amount of time getting ready for it, and that’s our main trap. Because the truth is, most people get stuck right here, between planning and taking action. Between who they want to be and what they actually do every day.

You’ll spend hours searching for photos that capture where you want to be in 2026 so you can create your vision board. You’ll constantly refine every aspect of your actions; for example, if you want to read in the morning, you’ll spend a week creating the perfect book list. You want to start exercising, so you have to buy nicer workout clothes and a mat. You want to start writing on Substack, so first you have to write the most perfect text and polish it for the next six months. And I understand where this comes from. First, this kind of preparation is more encouraging, second, we want to be satisfied with the result. But at what point are you actually working on it, and at what point do you just want to put it off for as long as possible?

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It’s really easy to fall into the trap of imitation, lying to ourselves that it’s just inspiration.

I know this because when I was a teenager and wasn’t writing “that seriously” yet, after every good book I read, I’d see how the style of my stories at the time started to resemble that of the author I was admiring at the moment. Now I’m at a stage where I can distinguish between wanting to write that way and simply liking how someone writes, but I cannot see myself writing like him. Some people surely feel the same way about Substack authors when they start publishing here but don’t yet fully realize what works for them.

We read someone else’s essays, see that they’re praised, they’re written with confidence, that someone already has their own distinctive style, and we try to do exactly the same thing. We don’t think “how I see it,” but “how that person would describe it”. We see how the texts begin, their length, the metaphors used, the chosen topics, the tone, the visual aspect of the essay, and we do the same in our writing. So why won’t this work?

Because you can only imitate the result, not the entire process.

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We all come from different homes, were raised in different environments, and have had different experiences. Not all of us had an equal start in life, not all of us were treated right, many of us had our hopes dashed as early as childhood, and we had to take care of ourselves and grow up fast. We heard things that shaped how we see ourselves and the world. All of us could surely name at least one situation like this and we could blame someone for it.

Your experiences are important, and you have the right to talk about your feelings, but don’t let that determine the rest of your life. For a while, I lived with a sense of injustice about what had happened to me in the past, and I think at some point I needed that to give myself space for my own emotions and not pretend they didn’t exist, but I realized that constantly ruminating on the past won’t change anything, and may only limit what’s to come.

The past cannot define our lives, because we are no longer the same people we once were. We cannot give power to someone else and let him influence how we perceive who we are. I’m becoming more and more aware that dwelling on the past doesn’t really give me anything, but it takes away my real authority over my life and passes it on to others.

We can spend the rest of our days blaming everyone around us, but that won’t change anything about our past. I understand that we need the justice we never received, but you must take responsibility for your life FOR YOURSELF, since that will give you true inner freedom. Suddenly, it turns out that you’re not dependent on past experiences and people’s reactions, but on your own, now conscious decisions. This may seem scary and overwhelming, but look at it beyond your fears. You’re the one who determines the direction of your life, you don’t have to wait for someone else to do it for you. You can save yourself, you don’t have to wonder if someone else will want to help you. You can change everything instead of waiting for someone to take care of it for you and tell what you’re good at and what you’re not. After all, it’s liberating. You have free will, complete autonomy, and you can fight for a better tomorrow. Don’t do it to prove something to anyone, do it because you care about yourself.

Perhaps in the past you’ve heard more than once that you wouldn’t succeed because you weren’t good enough to do it. You needed someone’s appreciation and didn’t get it, don’t blame that person, but realize that you aren’t dependent on how they saw you. It didn’t affect how talented you are or what you’re able to do, it affected literally whether you’re aware of it and whether you want to make use of it. Building self-esteem is a job you deserve.

You don’t need to ask anyone to validate your worth and potential. You were curious, ambitious and hardworking long before anyone noticed. It’s not like these traits appeared in you because of someone else’s words. The same goes the other way around, those qualities don’t disappear just because of someone else’s opinion. Something happened, but your world didn’t end because of it. You’ve already done a lot on your own, and you’ll do even more. Tap into the potential you HAVE within you, or you’ll miss out on life.

You’ll live in a state of mental stagnation, you won’t try to reach for something more, because deep down, you still hold the belief that this isn’t for people like you. Keep in mind, though, that if such an opportunity has presented itself, it means it’s clearly meant for you, you have the competence, you have the skills, and you have the knowledge.

Sometimes it’s comfortable to stay in that safe cocoon and say you won’t do it because someone told you’re not good enough, that way, you don’t have to take any risks or even try. It’s also easy to count on someone else to fix your life, save you, give you everything, and make decisions for you, so you can blame external factors. But you’ll truly be LIVING if you break out of that cocoon, stretch your arms, and realize that you’re the only person who has control over your life. No excuses, no explanations, no seeking validation for your actions, no asking others for advice on everything.

You need to forgive yourself and trust yourself, these are two things that could genuinely stand in your way. Stop dwelling on past failures and missed opportunities, instead, focus on what’s around you right now. Don’t be guided by the fact that you weren’t appreciated at home, that your talents weren’t valued, that teachers told you you’d never make anything of yourself, that you didn’t have the most beautiful past. Believe me, I know how you feel. But try trusting that you know best the direction you should follow. You’re the center of everything, not what other people have done or haven’t done. You define who you are, you aren’t made up of other people’s thoughts about you.

And I’ll say it again: I know it’s painful, but never let anyone or anything take away your joy in life or convince you that you can’t aim higher and do better.

You’re an adult, and realistically, your life is the sum of the decisions you’ve made so far. And there will be many more decisions to come, each of which you can make differently than before. Maybe it’s worth taking a step back and asking yourself if you’re moving toward YOUR dream reality. After all, you’re the one responsible for every step you take. It’s not a comfortable thought, but if you truly want something, it will be worth it. Your effort will never be wasted.

You have free will, every day is like a new chance, and you CAN have the life you desire. This realization can either destroy you or save you.

I think it’s difficult, but important, to take the next step and realize that we’re actually stronger than we think, and that other people’s words and actions can’t stop us. Maybe some of you needed to hear this just as much as I did.

Thank you so much for subscribing and reading. This is just a short essay for everyone, I’m preparing a much longer one for my paid subscribers for early April! So I encourage you to become one of them, I have a lot to share with you.

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We all know that it’s a completely natural cognitive mechanism, by relating to other people, we can more easily assess our own abilities and standards.

Yet we still believe that it deprives us of motivation, lowers our self-esteem, and can discourage us from taking action; I’ve often heard, “the worst thing you can do for yourself is compare yourself to others”. But what if, instead of dragging us down, comparison can actually give us a powerful push forward? What if we correct a few of the mistakes we usually make, and suddenly it turns out to be something fruitful on our journey? I’ve noticed that we do things that significantly influence our reactions.

I myself have warned against comparing yourself to others, but maybe I wasn’t looking at it from the right perspective? I like to question my own views, I know that doing so helps us get to understand ourselves better and lets us evolve.

First, we tend to idealize others’ paths (especially when we know absolutely nothing about them) and downplay the value of our own successes (it’s easier to punish ourselves for a mistake than to reward ourselves for a success. We see our mistakes much more clearly because we have expectations regarding our own success and future).

This leads to pretty illogical behavior when we compare our own process, which naturally involves chaos, difficulties, and doubts, with someone else’s end result (that is, the moment of victory or achieving a goal). Then we’re surprised that it isn’t as simple as we thought, because we didn’t see their failures, their years of struggle, or their moments of stagnation. We compare ourselves in moments of extreme weakness, so when we’re tired, stressed, and frustrated, we’ll look at someone else’s successes and blame ourselves for not being in that place. Our brain takes this as confirmation that we’re worthless.

Consequently, we don’t compare ourselves as an artist to another artist, nor do we compare ourselves as a company founder to another company founder. We start comparing ourselves as a person to them as a person, thereby undermining our own self-worth, because if someone is ahead of us in a given field, it makes us feel inadequate (completely ignoring the different stages of life).

Another truly important thing is choosing the subject of comparison. Our brain seeks a direction for growth, so we compare ourselves to someone who is better than us. This is where we see opportunities for a better life, they raise our standards and show us what our dream future might look like, something we haven’t yet attained, which whets our appetite.

Someone who is at our level seems less remarkable to us, they aren’t synonymous with success, and the difference between them and us isn’t striking enough for our brain to treat it as important information. But as we climb higher and want more, we fail to see how much we’ve actually accomplished. When we look at people at an earlier stage, we realize how far we’ve come from where we started. This fuels our actions, highlights our strengths, and boosts our confidence.

Who would we compare ourselves to if it weren’t for social media? Probably our family, friends, immediate surroundings, and social circle, people similar to us.

Now, even though there are plenty of creators out there, we usually don’t choose someone who is “a bit further ahead” of us. We don’t choose people with similar circumstances, starting from a similar place. We compare ourselves to the absolute top, celebrities, influencers, people with lifestyles vastly different from ours, who bear no resemblance to anyone we know, with a wealth of opportunities we can barely imagine. Can this be motivating? Yes, because it can make us want to get there too.

But it can also distort our perception of success. Because of how often our brain sees these people (on TikTok or Instagram), it begins to treat their lives as the norm, as our environment. Many influencers claim that they’re “just like their audience” even though in reality, their lives are often the fulfillment of their followers’ dreams.

This makes our successes seem less impressive when compared to theirs. What we consider a success is just part of their everyday life, so in our eyes, the bar is raised disproportionately to what we’re currently capable of.

Thirdly, perhaps the problem lies in our interpretation. Someone has succeeded. We get frustrated because we’d like to do the same. We see “I’m worse because I’m not where he is” instead of “this is the level I aspire to and can reach if I try”. Of course, it’s not easy, and we do it unconsciously. But what if we could turn those annoying thoughts around in the moment of analysis?

We analyze someone’s strategy, see what steps they took, begin to understand how they perceive success, and notice what was key to getting them where they are. Every path is different, but this can serve as a reference point for us, setting standards and helping us recognize this not as a threat to ourselves but as a destination. Because if someone else did it, then it’s possible.

What insights would such an analysis provide?

• Where you currently stand. It’s often difficult for us to pinpoint our actual position; only when others join in can you clearly define what you’ve already accomplished and what still needs to be done, whether you’re a beginner or intermediate, what steps separate you from achieving the same success you admire in these people, and whether your pace of progress is fast or slow, you assess your level relative to others.

• What is achievable. If these people have already succeeded, since they’re further along than you, it means there’s a chance you can do it too. It can’t be unattainable if someone did it before you.

• What you can learn. This also shows you the direction you can take to gain experience, knowledge, and skills. You can ask yourself: what does this person do differently? What can I learn from them?

• Contrary to appearances, this can also teach you realistic standards (as long as you’re learning from people who share their entire journey). Then you see that it’s normal to make mistakes, not everything is so simple, and progress can be slower.

• At the beginning, when you start doing something, it shows you the standards in a given field, which skills are important, and what to focus on in the first place.

• It’s helpful when we feel like we’re stuck in a rut, because someone else’s methods or approach can be inspiring and help you identify where your problem lies.

Could this help us gain some perspective and remind us that someone else’s success isn’t an obstacle to our own, but rather the fuel for our actions? Will we see this as proof that we aren’t good enough, or rather as information about where we’re and where we can go? Maybe we can use this for ourselves and treat it as a sign that the place we’re striving for exists and is waiting for us to get there at our own pace?

These are my casual thoughts. I try to look at many things from new perspectives, but I’d appreciate hearing your insights, as they’ll be valuable to me.

The next essay will be for paid subscribers, so I encourage you to stick around for access to more articles and the ability to start threads in our chat!

And soon we’ll be talking about the progress we made in March and what’s next. If you’re curious, read this:

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Everything I’ve ever lost or failed at was so that I could get something better – but not right away, not the way I imagined it. I know how it sounds, I know some people will probably roll their eyes, but hear me out.

Around 2021, I started keeping a manifestation journal. To this day, I affirm, visualize, and pray a lot. Although my goals have changed over the years (of course, sometimes I wanted peace and quiet, and other times I wanted a huge “wow” that would transform my entire life), I had three goals that I always wrote down, that I repeatedly wished for, because I made them the top priority.

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We constantly watch other people’s lives online, draw inspiration from them, visualize our future based on it, compare ourselves, observe their projects, successes, travels, careers and relationships.

At some point, we realize that we know the details of the everydays of people we have never met, but we find it increasingly difficult to answer the question of ‘what we are actually doing with our own?’

We see people who have managed to fulfill what we now consider our greatest desires, but instead of thinking “what can I do to get to that place,” we think “that’s what I’m missing, and that means I’ll never be like them.”

The internet has shown us something that previous generations almost never saw: thousands of people living lives that once seemed unattainable. This has made success no longer seem distant, it has given us the feeling of “look, this is how you could be living right now.” We have so many possibilities and amenities that, in theory, it should push us to take action, but sometimes this awareness holds us back even more.

The internet has made us see more opportunities than our parents or grandparents ever did. And yet so many people feel like they are standing still.

We used to see ourselves mainly through the prism of our relationships with others, our parents, friends, and the environments in which we grew up. Our identity was built through direct experiences and interactions. Now, statistics, algorithms, reactions, social media activity, and aesthetics also have an impact. We begin to wonder if our image is sufficient to attract attention.

With what we see on the internet, we end up looking less ambitious, less talented, less interesting, forgetting that their identities are also tailored to what others want to see on their social media. We feel that it’s too late because someone started earlier is a few steps ahead of us and has managed to build something. But you know what? Even if that doesn’t mean he was ready and confident of success at that moment, he simply tried to discover and use his potential instead of assuming he didn’t have it. That’s his main advantage, you’re still wondering if you can do it at all.

The thought pops into our heads, “if someone else has achieved something that is my dream, why can’t I do it?” Because you’re probably afraid of success.

The internet has had a huge impact on this, showing us thousands of possible versions of life. The more versions of ourselves we see, the harder it’s to choose one and really commit to it. Sometimes the problem isn’t that we can’t but that we can do too many things at once. Too many options can lead to decision paralysis.

We don’t know which of our versions will be interesting enough to make us successful, which will be the wrong move, and which will lead us to success. At some point, it’s really easy to become “the person who could.” We could create something of our own, move to a new place, write a book. We could live a completely different life. Exactly, this “we could” is convenient because until we start, this version in our head is perfect. In reality, it will involve our mistakes, effort, sweat, tears, and risk. As always, when we want to achieve something.

We see ourselves through how we think others see us. We build our self-image based on the reactions of our actual audience (statistics, comments we receive, reactions), but also through our imagined audience, before we start doing something, we already have in mind the potential people who might see it and their potential judgment. Being a beginner at something, being imperfect, makes us feel ashamed. We have people from school, from our hometown, from work, from our family in minds, who will see the journey we’re on from the very beginning, our learning process.

We know that our visibility will increase, sooner or later, someone will discover what we’re doing. We feel dependent on the opinions of others. We’re afraid of success because success means expectations. We know that we will no longer be anonymous, that what we do will now be seen not only by us, but by a wide audience.

We all sometimes catch ourselves spending more time imagining the life we would like to have than doing things that could bring us closer to it.

That is why there is a certain dissonance.

On the one hand, we want to create something. To start. To try. On the other hand, we feel that we should immediately fit into a certain role. We begin to overwhelm ourselves with expectations and comparisons, and this leads to self-sabotage.

This is how we protect our ego. In psychology, this is called self-handicapping, defensive techniques in which we create obstacles such as poor preparation, procrastination, and intentionally doing things that make it difficult to achieve the desired success. The main goal is to protect our self-esteem. If we don’t try, we can’t fail. At the same time... if we don’t try, there’s no chance we’ll succeed.

Maybe the biggest obstacle isn’t a lack of potential and opportunity. Maybe the biggest challenge is the moment when we start to believe that others can do more than we can. If it was possible for them, maybe it will be possible for us too?

The internet focuses on huge, completed projects, achieved goals and successful careers, but each of them had its own beginnings that started somewhere. What small step can you take today to make a change?

Thank you so much for reading and subscribing. The next post will be for my paid subscribers, so I encourage you to become one of them.

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Due to the length, I had to split this essay into two parts. In the first part, I want to answer the question of what causes repetitiveness, whether we should take up popular topics, a little bit about being memorable, and finding your obsession.

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Much of what we believe comes from us is not actually ours. This depends on what we learn in childhood, what our parents expect from us, what we as a society consider to be generally valuable, what priorities our peers and the people we admire set, what roles are tailored to us, and what we see, hear, and observe in our surroundings.

We often don’t realize how much we can absorb from other people and how they influence even our most everyday wants. Favorite things, tastes, values, views, choices. How many of them are your conscious decisions, and how many are things you’ve borrowed from someone else?

The way we approach life can be shaped by the community we grow up in and what we consume online. We might put more weight on starting a family early or, on the contrary, building a career and getting an education before settling down. We may want to be nomads and explore the world until we don’t have to commit to any one place, or we may decide to buy a home as soon as possible so that we always have somewhere to return to. We may be driven by a desire for competition, independence, power, or perhaps a longing for peace, avoiding conflict, and seeking cooperation. Sometimes we will express success through the ability to possess material things, sometimes through a high level of spiritual development and calmness.

Everyone will give us a different answer, because everyone believes that their perspective is the right one. Our personality, way of seeing things, and preferences will change over time, because as we develop, our value system and our entire personality grow with us.

What influences us the most?

1. Our family

Our parents often raise us with assumptions such as “money is hard to come by,” “you can’t make a living from your passion,” “you should be someone important like a doctor or a lawyer,” “you’re too young to know what you really want,” “you can’t make it on your own in a foreign city”. These beliefs limit us and our perspective on the world, because we assume that since they are our loved ones (often more experienced in life), they surely know better and want to protect us from making mistakes. Moreover, they usually want what is best for us. We don’t choose our passions because they’re not serious professions. We don’t question our faith, we just cultivate what our family has deemed appropriate. We only see the place where we grew up, and so we stay there. We watch our parents’ marriage and learn from it what relationships look like, frequently choosing partners based on their pattern. Their intention is to protect us from making mistakes, but as a result, we don’t seek our own path, we’re afraid of life and opportunities because they are outside our safe, familiar zone to which we have become used. After all, we don’t want to disappoint their expectations, we feel the need to repay them, we’re afraid to take risks and do the opposite.

2. Friends (peers)

When we’re or want to be part of a social group, we need to find points of similarity. So we like what they like. We listen to the same music, watch the same movies, go to the same places, and dress the same way. Sometimes this is related to a subculture whose rules we want to follow. Sometimes we really want to be seen as interesting, so we adopt someone else’s personality. We agree with what our friends say because we don’t want to be rejected. We allow more because it’s hard for us to set boundaries. We are ashamed to say that we have a different opinion, because what if we are not accepted? What if they decide that we aren’t as cool as they thought? It’s better to keep quiet to avoid destroying their perception of us. And if they find out that we like something embarrassing, we’ll call it a “guilty pleasure” and keep it private, when no one can see.

3. The internet, algorithms, and creators

This works in many ways on the internet. We can often find creators who impress us, influencers, celebrities we’d like to imitate because of what they do, what they like, how they express themselves, what they’re passionate about, what their lives look like, so we soon start to bring this into our own lives. At some point, we start to take their every word as truth, we don’t question them, don’t check if their ideas are compatible with ours. If they say something is cool, we think it’s cool too. If they set a new trend, we want to do it and have it too. We want to fit into their definition of being interesting. We wait for them to say something so we can form our own opinion, we follow their advice, we buy recommended products, just to get closer to who they’re. Of course, I’m exaggerating the situation, but I’m sure you know what I mean.

Trends themselves are another important element. The trend for bows, the trend for Jane Birkin’s “French chic,” the current trend for Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy’s nonchalance, we follow the crowd without even thinking about whether it suits us. But we don’t want to be left behind, and that sounds like a promise to be seen as fashionable. We read books that TikTok has decided we need to know. First, we’re in the era of matcha and labubu, later we’re “disgustingly educated”, then we celebrate Chinese New Year. Are these things bad? No, if we like them consciously. But sometimes we want so badly to fit the definition of a “cool girl” that we buy all the essentials that would create such a character. Because it’s a character, not us.

Algorithms largely determine our personality. Netflix, TikTok, Spotify, Substack(!) suggest things we’re supposed to like, shape our perspective and preferences, and in fact, we often remain in this bubble of our own righteousness, of what is familiar, and we don’t discover more than what is offered to us, what is put right under our noses.

We have the illusion of a “personal taste,” but in reality, our identity is often just a compilation of social influences and we tailor the versions of ourselves to suit the situation and company. Think about your things: how do you know you like them? When you try to find their source, do you find yourself or others?

We learn what gives us a sense of belonging and what threatens rejection, and we call it our preferences. Someone else’s traits become our traits, someone else’s dreams become our dreams. Some attributes and desires are crushed in us before they even blossom, and we lose them in the process of growing up. We might become entirely new people if given the proper opportunity.

At some point, a crisis may hit you and you will realize that this isn’t yours. The moment you stop liking something you “always liked,” you discover that you have your parents’ views, not your own, that you disagree with something, that you don’t understand something, and that you see that until now, others have chosen your path because it was easier to let someone else lead you. I like this place because people I wanted to be like went there. I like these books because people I thought were smart read them. I like these views because they put me on the “right side.”

And that’s natural, because it’s not about getting rid of influences, which don’t have to be negative and limiting. Trying to be without influences is also an influence, when we’re “outside the system,” “rebel,” or “think independently,” we’re still guided by a concept that someone else came up with. The most important thing is to be able to consciously check whether you want it to be a part of you or whether you have simply become too accustomed to it and don’t know any other way.

If you were starting from scratch and could rebuild yourself, would you choose the same options?

We must learn to give ourselves permission to change our minds, set boundaries, and learn to proudly admit who we really are. It won’t be easy, because often these influences are deeply ingrained in our bubble, so we don’t question them. They’re subconsciously presented to us as right.

You have to be ready for a lack of acceptance of your new choices, for misunderstanding when you disagree with what others say, when you refuse instead of just nodding along. There will be an unpleasant feeling that the people you admired, the people you wanted to be friends with, actually have nothing in common with you because they don’t make you feel comfortable showing your true self and you feel a inner conflict when they say something that goes against your value system.

What will be best for you? In my opinion, three things.

First, talk to yourself. When you look at these things (views, values, preferences), can you actually explain what exactly you like about them? When did you first consider them to be true? Who do you associate them with, and does that have any connection to why you think that way, why you enjoy them?

Second, cut yourself off from influences and stimuli for a moment so that, without foreign voices telling you what you should and shouldn’t do, what is interesting and what is shameful, you can see for yourself what you’re missing, what you long for, what you think.

Thirdly, confrontation and experimentation. Contact with different environments. Reading things you disagree with to get out of your bubble that tells you that you’re right. Listening to music you wouldn’t normally listen to (we often think we don’t like things even though we’ve never even tried them). Being in situations where you don’t feel comfortable, but also going to places you think you like, this time alone, to see if they’re still interesting to you. Notice your reaction.

Let’s accept that we cannot completely get rid of the influences that have shaped us, since this has been happening from childhood. However, it’s worth noticing and knowing that you can accept or reject it. Authenticity is primarily about carefully choosing what we want to define us. Even if we inherit it from someone else. We can consciously make it more ours, so it sounds like our own voice, not someone else speaking for us.

Thank you for subscribing and reading! This text turned out longer than I thought, but I had a lot of thoughts in my head and I wanted to share them all with you. Share YOUR thoughts on this topic.

The next essay will be about “why no one reads you on Substack?” and will be for paid subscribers, so I encourage you to become one. So far, two essays from this series have been published.

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Until now, we’ve been stuck in winter doldrums, with dark, cold, gray days. Few people were encouraged to sincerely and regularly follow through on their New Year’s resolutions. We often blame ourselves for “giving up so quickly again” but the truth is that when we lack natural light, when we see slush outside the window, it’s more challenging to start doing something new.

So let’s agree that January and February were for resting, gathering strength, and slowly preparing for bigger things. But let’s promise each other that we won’t stop at just these preparations, because the most abundant period of the year is ahead of us, spring, when everything (including us) will come to life, summer, when we will take advantage of those life opportunities (however we see them), and autumn, as always inspirational and full of creative energy.

We have a WHOLE YEAR ahead of us to fulfill our desires and goals, and best of all, March hasn’t started yet, so we haven’t lost a single day. It’s not about every day being productive, without a moment’s rest. It’s about being fully aware that we really have a lot of time, even though these two months of 2026 are almost behind us. Especially if you felt unmotivated, sluggish, or discouraged throughout January and February, remember that this was the energy of most of us. We live in harmony with nature, and nature was in hibernation.

But now we are waking up. And here is our common plan.

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I’m well aware of the writing routines of many authors I admire, such as Donna Tartt, Joan Didion, and Susan Sontag, but I felt that traditional Japanese concepts are something completely different and would enable me to advance my own approach to writing and strengthen the connection between myself and my creativity.

I learned that they often treat writing as shūgyō (修行), which means daily training, a repetitive practice like a regular tea ceremony or calligraphy. Japanese writers can write for just an hour a day, but they do it everyday. This discipline is the essence of the whole process.

As for me, I believe it’s absolutely necessary for my writing to reflect my inner self and my truths, but the fact is that if we wait for inspiration to strike, we can waste months staring at a blank page, then write something for a week, only to leave it untouched for another six months. Only constant practice can improve our skills. That’s why writing is also part of my daily routine, like making coffee in the morning and reading a book in the evening, and I can see the results after a year of regular publishing on Substack.

If I found myself lacking inspiration, I would look for solutions in TOO many other sources that are supposed to be inspiring, but in fact make what we write unsatisfying and make us try too hard to imitate someone else.

For many japanese authors, this practice is often carried out very early in the morning. They start each day by sitting down and creating, because their minds are still untainted by the world. At that time, we aren’t yet overstimulated, we haven’t yet received our first messages, no one has called us, we have no notifications to distract us. All we focus on is what we write. For them, this is the first duty of the day.

Haruki Murakami, an incredibly popular author, starts writing as early as 4 a.m. and continues for 6 hours. It sounds quite shocking, but in addition to perfecting his craft, a conscious break is also crucial for him. The body is part of the whole process and has a strong influence on our mind, so between hours of writing, it’s necessary to find time for supporting activities such as walking, bathing, and stretching. A calm body means a calm mind ready for work. What’s equally significant, according to Murakami, is that his schedule is strict and precise, with the same place of creation, the same working hours, the same meals and drinks, and scrupulous attention to consistency. He described it like this:

“When I’m in writing mode for a novel, I get up at four a.m. and work for five to six hours. In the afternoon, I run for ten kilometers or swim for fifteen hundred meters (or do both), then I read a bit and listen to some music. I go to bed at nine p.m. I keep to this routine every day without variation. The repetition itself becomes the important thing; it’s a form of mesmerism. I mesmerize myself to reach a deeper state of mind. But to hold to such repetition for so long—six months to a year—requires a good amount of mental and physical strength. In that sense, writing a long novel is like survival training. Physical strength is as necessary as artistic sensitivity.”

The japanese aspire to quantitative minimalism, which means devoting a more regular amount of time to writing rather than a specific number of pages. The routine is therefore not about rushing, but about maintaining contact with the text, so authors can allow the piece to mature slowly, because they don’t expect breakthroughs overnight, but want to slowly build on it everyday.

However, focusing and devoting time to the written word involves accepting solitude, allowing oneself periods of isolation, avoiding sharing what we’re creating at that moment, while the text develops in silence. The author creates first, then the rest of the world is able to see it. This brings acceptance of boring, monotonous days, because repetition means stability of mind, that’s why the same start to the day, the same sequence of activities, and a similar structure of texts, according to Murakami, make it possible to “enter a specific state of mind.”

Japanese literature is distinguished by certain features, such as a strong connection with nature, attention to detail, minimalism, introspection, and a tendency to combine realism with surrealistic elements. Characteristic is the choice of first-person narration, which “cultivates loneliness” because it focuses exclusively on the rich internal monologue of one character, while cutting readers off from the rest. The motivations of the others are often incomprehensible, mysterious, and dark to us.

Japan is strongly associated with concepts that can help us, as authors, broaden our horizons, discipline our practice, and make it more reflective and meaningful. We can include them in our own writing.

1. Wabi-sabi.

Wabi-sabi is at a heart of japanese aesthetic sensibility, reminding us that true beauty lies in what is fragile, transient, and imperfect. Instead of polishing every sentence to brilliant perfection and obsessively resolving every plot thread, the creator can allow their texts to breathe, like raw, rough sketches, with traces of the process and cracks in the story. All this is about showing the truth of the story, authentic, unpolished, and unfinished, fighting against our inner perfectionism. Often, it’s in these moments that readers can see their own reflections most clearly.

2. Ikigai.

Ikigai is simply “the reason you rise in the morning” which primarily refers to your motivation for writing. For a writer, this is the moment when creativity is no longer just one of your favorite activities or a duty, but becomes an expression of your inner voice, a spiritual calling. Discovering this means writing in harmony with what truly moves us, what we love, what we believe in, what resonates with us, delving deeply into topics that we address with courage and responsibility, which gives us a sense of purpose and direction on our creative path, even if it’s demands a lot.

3. Kaizen.

Kaizen is about concentrating on continuous improvement through small but systematic changes that train writers to be more patient with the creative process. We often expect inspiration to come overnight and we set ourselves big goals that are too overwhelming, instead of consistently enriching our vocabulary step by step, leave our comfort zone, force ourselves to make an effort, take on challenges, read deeply, and produce one better dialogue, one sentence that resonates more with the reader everyday, and allow the text to mature along with our skills.

4. Oubaitori.

Oubaitori reminds us that just as cherry, plum, peach, and apricot trees bloom in their own seasons, we as writers also grow at our own pace and in our own way. Comparing yourself to others is pointless, and every unique voice has its own value, just as every season has their own beauty.

5. Kintsugi.

This is the art of gluing broken gold ceramics, meaning that cracks aren’t flaws that need to be hidden, but rather a new value, a new story that is worth bringing to light. Any critical remarks or imperfections that we notice over time aren’t our personal failure, for which we must punish ourselves because “we could have done better,” but an opportunity to strengthen and stabilize the constructed structure, adding more emotional expression and greater clarity to the text. Any breaks are an indication of the path the author had to take in order to complete the work and create something lasting and consistent.

6. Shibui.

This is an appreciation of the simplicity and subtlety of the text, which appeals to the reader by its reserve, clarity, and harmony. In writing, it becomes a quest to purify the language of excessive embellishments, so that all sentences make an impression and are there for a reason. There is no room for randomness here, and the precision of the text is primarily intended to make it easier for the reader to find their own emotions in it without any problems and to leave the impression that only sentences that were meaningful to the author are included, rather than just filling space.

7. Ichigo Ichie.

This means “one meeting, one time” in other words, every moment that has happened is unique and will never return in the same form. This reminds us most of the value of being present here and now, to appreciate each time we sit down and try to create, whether it’s the first conception of an idea or the final correction of an almost perfect text. Each of them has a different value since they bring us varied thoughts, emotions, and lessons, and by focusing on them fully, we can discover something in our work that we might otherwise miss. It also shows that the only “good moment” to start is right now.

8. Mono no aware.

Mono no aware in writing is about highlighting the fleeting nature of life and emotions. It encourages writers to focus on small, passing moments, like a falling leaf or a brief encounter and to show their emotional weight. By drawing attention to impermanence, a story can create subtle melancholy, deepen character experiences, and make ordinary scenes feel meaningful.

9. Gaman.

Gaman is the ability to persevere and maintain balance despite the obstacles that appear in our path. For creators, this means above all consciously sticking to their mission, regardless of criticism, rejection from others, creative blocks, or lack of inspiration, since all of these things can ultimately be another opportunity for growth. Determination is the foundation of lasting success, if artists don’t let themselves be overcome by frustration and disappointment, but instead use their stumbles as lessons that had to happen in order to teach them something.

10. Shu‑Ha‑Ri.

Shu‑Ha‑Ri describes the stages of mastering a craft and can be applied to creating and writing, first, learn the rules and techniques from others artists, then experiment and adapt them, and finally develop your own unique style.

I consider these to be valuable tips, and what I would want to work on much more in my literary practice is “Shibui”, I have a strong tendency to over-explain a topic. I often wish I could write more concisely, to include only the information that should be there, because I know it makes it much easier for readers who want to find the answer to a question, but instead I end up with huge walls of text.

Another thing: more breaks between writing! I don’t know if you feel the same way, but I can sit for hours working on a text if I’m engaged and inspired, but in the evening I feel the effects of this in my aching back and head. We need to get some fresh air during breaks.

And, obviously, more appreciation for every moment when I sit down to write, even if I don’t get as much done as I’d planned, don’t finish that essay, or maybe only come up with an idea for my next post. Every moment is valuable as it can lead to something new, so we need to approach it with more openness to what might happen in our minds.

What do you think about this whole process and these suggestions? Do some things seem crazy and impossible to you (like Murakami’s 4 a.m. wake-up schedule) ? Is it similar to your writing routine? Are you fond of japanese literature in general?

Share anything you like, because I think this is a rich topic with a lot to discuss. Thank you for reading. The next essay will be for paid subscribers.

I am currently working on a series of articles about why you can’t build your own audience on Substack, where I share my experiences from a year of publishing here and growing my community. I encourage you to subscribe and check it out.

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Readers subscribe to 50 different newsletters and don’t even check all of them. Especially not the ones they don’t even remember.

I want to start this piece by talking to people who know they don’t write regularly, and then move on to people who try to be regular but still can’t stand out from other creators.

When someone asks me where I get so many readers, I often check that person’s profile and see that they wrote one essay in September, two in November, then in December some announcement of another essay, and in January a promise that they will definitely be back with new content. And now it’s February. The excuse is, “why bother when no one reads me anyway?”

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The fact that we could start something and be average at it, not as good as we expected, scares us so much that it becomes our biggest limitation in creating things, an obstacle that we set for ourselves and then cannot overcome.

We won’t write that essay because we haven’t yet discovered how to stop global warming, so who is going to read what we want to say if it’s not “groundbreaking enough”? We won’t start making music, creating ceramic mugs, or sewing, because it’s too late for that now. We won’t start doing what has recently interested us because we won’t be good at it. But we won’t be good at it because we won’t even start.

The problem is that we’re unable to divide our attention fairly and distinguish between the things we want to improve and the things we want to keep as a pleasant addition, a form of entertainment. For us, we have to be above average in both categories, otherwise we don’t see the point in doing it if we’re not good at it, even if we’re having fun. Because we’re ashamed of ourselves that it doesn’t work out, we can’t show off to others, we feel that it’s a waste of time, nothing productive.

That’s why we believe that if we start something, we have to give it 100%. Consequently, we have two things. The first is something we’re passionate about and a skill we want to develop. The second is something that is just fun and enjoyable for us, we don’t feel the need to explore it further, but on the other hand, we think that since we’re doing it, we have to be the best at it.

We want to devote 100% of our attention and effort to both of these things in order to be perfect at them. But of course, we can only devote 50% to each (even though they aren’t equally important to us) because…we don’t want to be average at anything. As a result, that’s what we’ll be like anyway.

The truth is that not everything will be a passion that we will devote our lives to, we won’t be successful in some things, but that doesn’t mean we have to give them up, it’s completely natural. In certain cases, being average will be enough for you, and there is no shame in that. After all, you simply don’t need more, and you respect your time. For example, learning a language. You can learn the basics to be able to communicate with a foreigner. Or you can become a native speaker and master the language fluently.

However, each of these things requires a different amount of effort, and it is up to you to prioritize what’s most important in your life. Not everything has to be at the highest level, you don’t have to change the world and be an expert in every field.

You don’t have to desperately avoid being average at something that’s just a fresh change from everyday life, something that calms you down or is meant to be fun, because there is nothing wrong with being average. We can’t be perfect at everything, and that’s that. That doesn’t mean you have to give up on it.

But think about which category you would HONESTLY assign these things to.

1. Be average if you don’t need to focus on this thing in particular, you don’t have to spend hours perfecting this skill, you can just do it for recreation and come back to it when you feel like it, you don’t have to be regular at it, but you accept that you won’t be advanced at it and that progress will also be but slower, it will be a side activity for you and you don’t aspire for it to become your life’s passion and your big goal, and treat it that way.

2. Be the best if you know it’s worth your sacrifices and you’re aware that you’ll have to put a lot of effort into it, because one hour of learning won’t be enough. You won’t give up after a week, but you’ll be disciplined about it and improve every day.

For a while, I wanted to be good enough at everything. Because if I start something and I’m bad at it, how can I keep going? However, on the other hand, doing different things helps me grow, even if I don’t succeed as much as I would like to. I started painting pictures and, honestly, I thought I would be better at it, but I realized that it’s not my life’s passion. I don’t have to be good at it, it’s my form of relaxation, exercising my imagination, trying out different forms of art. I don’t aspire to be a professional painter, I can do it because I like it and remain average at it. Because there are things I prefer to devote myself to.

It’s a liberating feeling when you do something without high expectations for yourself, knowing that it enhances your experience, but you can just let yourself go with the flow without worrying about the end result. Just being able to do it makes you satisfied, it’s something refreshing that brings you joy, but at the same time you know that it might not work out and you don’t mind that.

Meanwhile, on the other hand, I have writing, which is undoubtedly my lifelong passion. This is where I want to get better and better, I want to do it regularly, I want to be disciplined, explore different forms and topics, do research, enrich my vocabulary, write a lot and write better and better, publish and get feedback, look at what I wrote a month or six months ago and notice the changes and progress. I have been writing here regularly for a year, analyzing old essays and seeing that I could have written something better and more clearly, but I don’t think, “since I’m not satisfied, I’ll delete them”. This is part of my progress. I wrote the best I could at the time, and now I write the best I can currently. I want to be consistent in this, not wait until something is perfect, as waiting won’t give me anything, only hinder my growth. And yes, I don’t want to be average in this. I want to be the best I can be.

I’m willing to make sacrifices, put in the effort, time, and commitment. I’m willing to do things that I’m not willing to do when it comes to painting. That is why I devote different amounts of time to both things, because they aren’t equally important to me and I don’t try to be perfect at everything. If practice and doing things regularly are the most important things, then I have to decide for myself what’s an addition and what’s my main passion. If you want to be special in everything, then unfortunately, you will be average in everything, because you will not be able to devote the same amount of time to each activity.

Don’t assume that you have to do everything perfectly, or you’ll stop, that from the very beginning, things have to go exactly as you planned. I repeat, you’re setting limits for yourselves that you’re then unable to overcome. Why give yourself reasons that will discourage you from doing things and reject them because “you’re not good enough?” You set requirements such as “either I’ll get it right the first time or I’ll resign”. If people followed this rule in life, we would have nothing and know nothing.

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Until it turns out that this has created an illusion of action and being on the right track, even if that track doesn’t lead anywhere specific. It all gives you a sense of control that makes even escaping responsibility seem productive.

People want to feel like they’re doing something with their lives, constantly working on themselves, so for some, “self-help” turns out to be growth without actually stepping outside their comfort zone, because real change is too uncomfortable and risky. Emotional risk involves unpleasantness, requires courage, confrontation, sometimes anger and sadness.

And you might say “yes, just like setting boundaries” and protecting my own energy” and you would be right. But the difference is when you set boundaries because they protect you from abuse, manipulation, allow you to make conscious decisions(!), heal and regenerate when the other person doesn’t want to respect your choices.

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