joy of missing out

how much are you really missing?

Since march, this idea has been quietly living in my head, a mini essay about the fear of missing out. However, I knew that the most appropriate time to talk about it would be in the summer. In the winter, we all know how to make excuses for ourselves, no one expects us to be at peak productivity, it's alright to let go, let ourselves be, live our own way and decide for ourselves how our upcoming day will go. But summer arrives — full of warmth and sunlight and along with it comes the pressure to use this time the “way it should be”. To live intensely, to do as much as possible, otherwise we will feel these months as wasted. This is when we most strongly begin to compare our lives to others, friends and strangers on Instagram. Maybe we wouldn't think about it like that, maybe we would consider our lives good, if it weren't for what we surround ourselves with. Because everyone has more, feels more and lives better than we do.

FOMO is a primal fear of exclusion, of being separated from the group. In the past, it meant physical danger to a person, insecurity, being forced to survive alone. Today, this mechanism has moved to social media, it does not threaten our lives, but it affects us emotionally. We are not “enough,” we miss something, we are left behind.

We go on instagram and get the impression that everyone is traveling to new places, doing something exciting, spending their time creatively. They have lots of friends, money, apartments, dream lives and huge achievements.. They have everything and everything seems to work out for them, what could they possibly complain about? Meanwhile, our lives feel so far from that. Maybe we don't even want it to look like that, but still we feel like it should or maybe we want it to, but don't have the opportunities for now. There is bitterness, frustration, a sense of injustice and disappointment in oneself.

But the grass will always seem greener where we’re not. You see the excerpt, not the whole process. You see the highlight, you don't know what happened before and what happened after. You see the effect, but you don't know how many attempts have been made to make you think it all came about without any effort. But if someone were to judge your life just by the photos and stories you publish, what would it look like? How many people might think you have it all figured out? And how many things have happened to you in reality that would completely destroy this illusion?

The Internet has created a narrative that we should have everything and know everything as soon as possible, because otherwise we failed. But no, you don't have to be ashamed that you haven't seen half the world yet. You don't have to be ashamed that you don't have your first million yet. You don't have to be ashamed that you're not yet working at your dream job for the time being, maybe not earning money from your passion. You don't have to be ashamed that you still don't know a little about yourself and don't understand everything. Because plenty of people are in a situation like you. We're in an illusory bubble where we think everyone's life, just not ours, is an aesthetic moodboard from pinterest.

But working on something, pursuing a goal is about ups and downs, not just publicized pretty pictures. Getting to know yourself is a process, sometimes faster, other times slower.

Just because you didn't realize something this week, month, year, doesn't mean you won't realize it at all. Just because someone went to a beautiful place doesn't mean you will never go there. Just because someone got engaged, doesn't mean you won't get engaged. Just because someone moved away doesn't mean that you will have to stay where you are now. Just because someone has chosen a life path doesn't mean you won't have that choice. Maybe you won't do it at the same time, but for everyone, a different moment will be the best one. In some things, you will be the one to progress faster. In other situations, they will be the ones to realize these faster than you. We are all at different stages, sometimes we will pass each other, other times we won't even cross our paths.

Maybe you won't go this summer to the place you dream about, maybe you won't meet the love of your life, maybe you still need to work on what you're doing before you can succeed. But you can do plenty of other things that will ultimately get you there anyway. Passivity, frustration, doing nothing, will get you nowhere. Stay in silence with yourself, instead of peeping at others and wondering “what are you missing again,” because you miss the most when you notice more from other people's lives than from your own.

Think about it, if you were in these people's shoes, would you really be happy? Do you think so because you can see that they are happy and you just wish you could feel the same way? Or is it prompted by the narrative of everyone around you that this is how your life should be, and you feel that you are still too far away from that? Think about what would really make you feel satisfied, inspired and proud.

We have summer. We are nourishing. We can breathe. We have time, lots of time. You don't have to experience it the way others do for it to be your good memory. Don't go to a place you'll want to get back from as soon as possible, because everyone is going there. Don't do a thing during which you will only think about the fact that you would like to do something else, because everyone is doing it. Since you don't desire it, you're not missing anything. If you don't want to lose that time, there is something you can do. Everyday, make a small step toward creating a life you won't want to run away from. And do it yourself your own way.

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